Don't feed the bears

It is a simple concept really. We have all heard someone talk about it, a cartoon poke fun at it, or have viewed a park sign exclaiming it. "DON'T FEED THE BEARS!" They are not cute and cuddly as Teddy has been depicted for years. They are actually creatures that are predators nearing the top of their food chain which kill, even people, when threatened or encountered in the wrong setting(s). The truth about feeding bears is that you are simply saying,"Hey, come here for food." The animals will repeat with reward. Pavlov had an entire scientific breakthrough with this.

So Joe, how do bears have anything to do with ME? Everything. We are creatures that take the least path of resistance. We will take the solution where we have to exert minimal effort for maximum reward if left to our sole unintelligible desires. We will call the person who gives us the answers. When is the last time you borrowed money from the same person... and then again... and so on. Going deeper: did you have something that was not "good" or "legal" but was satisfying and available?

Or perhaps the XYZ Store at the mall has a sale every week and they give you rewards when you visit them good for the following week. They do not even have to do that. The retailers have also been paying attention. Each week - like clockwork - they have a new ad. New specials. Come to the campground. But what happens when suddenly the food stops. The sale has loop holes. The money is not there. The "good" thing is not available. We change - often for the worse. (If you have ever worked in retail, you get it.) The things being offered are not there, yet we arrived. WE ARRIVED - now where is it? Give it to me! I paid for blank blank blank and expect blah blah blah.

We are all bears. Please stop feeding us.

I have another article along the same topic involving silent leadership which is very similar but deals with lack of action vs. rewards.

Silently leading can be misleading

At a young age children kids will say and do the darndest things, which also stems from a show hosted by Bill Cosby. The things that they say may seem to be no big deal while they are little but remember that they will grow up. "What is not cute at 3 will not be cute at 13," my wife says to me.While on break at work one day I started to think about, what is called in the business world as, Silent Leadership. Silent Leadership is the type of leading, managing or supervising a person or situation where your lack of attention to a detail can actual send the wrong messages.

Consider a younger child and how we may take certain phrases or actions into consideration for their age. A three year old that hits or is mean to animals. A eight year old that continuously destroys his or her things. Or quite possibly a two year old that says "I don't like you." First - if you have older children - what would you say if the older child said that to you? "They're a kid...just let them be." This may not always be the case. By not acting at early stages in some cases we often let seeds grow that will be much harder to address later. The Silent Leadership, or lack of leadership, is accepting of the behaviors simply by doing nothing at all. As the child grows so does the forest that was planted prior. Behaviors are the fruits of seeds planted long before.The same theory would apply to sin. Most hideous sins as an adult do not start out grotesque but simple. In no way am I proposing that taking a piece of gum at the store at age two will end up at prison, only that we should take heed to much more than some do.

God Bless - Joe

Addiction: I am a recovering alcoholic. (Part 1)

To this point my posts have been informational. For the most part I hope that I can share the things that I have learned, enjoyed, or some other type of "how to" that will open an idea chest for you. Yet, there will come a post when I am frustrated, overwhelmed or just tired - parenting is the most demanding job that I have known.

Somewhere along the way I found a new friend. One beer led to another and after some time I needed the contents every single day. At the peak I was drinking six to eight 16oz. beers a night. I would stumble off to sleep and not wake until my alarm the next morning. Hardly a night went by that I did not have to run to the store or that I did not feed the hunger inside. I was escaping the world for a few hours of the day which in the end cost me months of life with my family. Each drink became more normal. I lost touch with reality.

It will torture you and molest your soul. There is nothing wrong with a casual drink - even the Bible references the use or misuse of wine. Do not let yourself get to that point; the point when you forget what matters. Can you put down the drink for the evening? Do you feel hot all of a sudden and your pulse race at the thought of not drinking tonight? Would you rather spend time at the bar than your home? Do you need a friend to talk to? Or just someone to chat about this problem you are having? Alcohol is not the friend you need. There are many people in this world that care about you beyond the shortfalls of an evening inebriated.  Your family needs you. Now put on your big boy pants and sober up.

I have been sober for several months, now. At that time this would have been an impossible feat. I thank God for his continual grace and lighted way. My wife is a blessing. A song of encouragement is below.